DAY 32 TO DAY 39: CATTLE ISLAND TO PORT HARDY

13th June 2023

10th June-13th June: Day 35-39 
Port Hardy 
We have stayed in Port Hardy for a couple of days – it is part and parcel of expedition kayaking; you have to prepare for the worst and factor in all the variables! So we spent our days working on the kayaks, doing little patch repairs, tightening all the nuts and bolts, re-adjusting deck lines, washing the salt out of our equipment and mending the bits we can, sorting out the neck gasket, coming up with a plan for the ferry, updating sponsors, sending emails and talking with loved ones! Those calls to loved ones are truly special! How hearing someone’s voice can give you such a lift and an even bigger smile! Sitting around a picnic bench having dinner with your friends talking and laughing its priceless! We started listening to music and we create a playlist – everyone chooses a song, then the next person, repeat! It’s very strange how music can transport you to somewhere else! We had songs that have so much meaning and memories connected – you hear a couple of notes and you go somewhere in your head! The silence and sombre thoughts at that time! Every one of the team just miles away! And the songs will surprise – for example,: Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift; Travelin’ Soldier by The Chicks, Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Tom Sawyer by Rush! Now my choice of music is very eclectic – I listen to everything from Alphaville then go completely right with Slayer, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard and Clutch so sometimes my choices get frowned upon! But everyone has to sit through the others’ choice! 

We have been blessed with such great weather so I spent a lot of time just sitting on a little viewing platform watching the tide come in and go out, looking at fog banks rolling in from the water – June is one of my hardest months to get through. The 13th June is my getting shot anniversary – I get very withdrawn, pull into myself and all those feelings I have buried deep down, that rage and anger, that guilt, the ‘I should have; could have; those haunting moments that get burned onto your soul! That slow motion movie you keep on replaying over and over in your head! All of those feelings you place into little boxes in your head and sometimes the cracks start to appear and you don’t want to deal with it because it hurts! This is where the kayaking has saved me – mother nature showing me beauty, and that destructive nature of hers, the trying to control your emotions, the handing yourself over to the expedition, trusting in the team, putting the paddle into the water, keep on moving forward! Keep working, keep gritting your teeth when it gets rough, keep pumping those legs, let those muscles and sinews stretch and burn, keep pushing, keep the momentum, don’t look back, you aren’t going that way anymore! Be a better person than yesterday! Deal with that voice in your head, find your peace, find your calm, find your reason to continue your fight, tell your friends and family that you love them, be someone’s smile!

9th June: Day 34 
Bell Island to Port Hardy Scotia Bay Campsite 
Distance 13.3km 
It was a hard decision to make, paddling away from Bell Island, but it was the right call! We have to take a step back to move forward! Mother Nature doesn’t suffer fools and although Cape Caution is every kayaker’s dream it is just out of our reach! Trust the skipper; trust the weather – our over-arching rule amongst the team is safety and we won’t compromise our safety for a tick in a box to say we have kayaked Cape Caution! What a blast on the way back tho! 15 knot winds gusting; 20 rolling swell and lovely 3 foot waves! Now it doesn’t seem like a massive wave – however when you sit just above the waterline and the waves are rolling over your kayak dumping water onto your spray deck, getting chucked around trying to control a 25 foot kayak makes for an interesting and exciting time! With the double the bow digs into the wave, the power propels you forward then as soon as you think you are OK the stern gets whipped around and you get pummelled from the right so you lean into it, low brace to stabilize and paddle like crazy! These kayaks want to go fast, they don’t like being stationary – it’s man vs kayak vs the power of the elements! The look of enjoyment cutting through the waves! From start to finish it took us about two hours – we had to change our route slightly; the original plan was doing headland-to-headland-to-island-to-island, similar to following the stepping stones in Ireland. Then the fog banks moved in and where there were mountains before there was nothing!! Just before we landed on the beach we got treated to an aerial display by two eagles just dancing on the air currents – the grace and beauty of these two creatures just brings so much joy! Time to set up camp and do a fresh food run! It was decided that we are having a barbeque – I’m smiling from ear to ear! Just sitting around a bench laughing sharing a meal with your kayak family. A memory I will cherish! 

8th June: Day 33
Bell Island 
Oh Mother Nature you cruel mistress! You give so much then you take it away – you have blessed us with incredible kayaking days! And we are in your debt! Then two weather fronts move in with predicted 30-40 knot winds! The madness and the unstable water that would create is biblical! So the day was all about the decision no one wants to hear! What’s next? Is it stick it out on the island for 7 days, or go hell for leather for another campsite where we can hunker down, or ferry to jump behind the weather to cut out 10 days of paddling and a 20 nautical mile crossing! So it is all about that what can we achieve safely! Sitting down to discuss options – we looked at everything from water taxis to changing the route to waiting out for a perfect window! One of our rules is safety first so we are doing the ferry – we have to kayak back to port Hardy tomorrow and wait for the ferry on Tuesday morning! It is every kayaker’s dream to paddle Cape Caution – however trust the weather and don’t do something that will endanger yourself and the team! 
I spent the remainder sitting on the beach, surrounded by so much beauty and red lichen on the rocks it looks like someone took a spray can and painted these vibrant reds on the rocks! Just sitting watching the tide go out, having those deep and meaningful conversations with yourself, working through those uncomfortable questions you ask yourself. Call it what you will but having nature around you, listening to the creek of the trees behind you, the water lapping the edge of the beach – it calms and brings some silence to that screaming voice, that unplugging of what is demanded of you. That sense of self-importance getting taken out with the tide. That feeling of ‘I am in charge’ disappears when Mother Nature takes control and only fools and mad men take on Mother Nature in all of her destructive glory! Just stop and listen, feel the ground under your feet, take that couple of minutes of solitude, embrace what has been achieved, and take on the challenges that lie ahead of you! I am enough; look how far you have come,; look at your journey! Find a person that brings out the best in you, someone you can be brutally honest with about how you feel, someone who will listen and say ‘you know what – we have this!’ Leave yesterday behind you because you aren’t going that way ever again! Then we have had an equipment failure on one of the drysuits – the neck gasket blew. Now it doesn’t sound like a lot however it is the one piece of kit that will give you a fighting chance when you get in the water – you have 3-5 minutes before hypothermia sets in and your hands are so cold that you can’t self-rescue. This isn’t a quick fix so now it’s getting that done before we take on our next part of our journey. 

7th June: Day 32
Cattle Island To Bell Island 
Distance 25km 
Today was incredible – I haven’t kayaked in such conditions ever! The eery stillness, the grey and foreboding skyline – it felt like we were paddling to the edge of the world: the mist coming down from the mountains, the bank of fog that was so thick it looked like you could cut it with a knife, visibility was approximately 10 meters in front of you! It is very strange and yet comforting! Your senses are tingling and get sharper – you hear everything: the way the water laps against your kayak, the sound your paddle makes breaking the surface, your eyes picking up the smallest detail! Your head on a swivel looking around you! You can hear the breathing of your team mates! And you get to take it all in! Navigation was tricky with no visible landmarks or something to aim for! Hug the coastline and trust the compass! The sun burned away the fog and mist, the remnants disappearing – watching the heat waves dance on the exposed boulders on the beach! Then the magic happens – all of a sudden you can make out all the little islands that whre shown on the map appearing on the horizon! First one, then another, then another, then another! Break for lunch and we filled our water from a stream!! Then the last push – we were joined by a pod of porpoise! It brought such a smile to my face seeing these gorgeous creatures just coming up and diving!! 
As I’m writing the blog on the beach I came across a massive sea snail shell – it was the size of my hand. I took a couple of minutes just admiring the beauty, the concentric spirals flowing outwards and it reminded me of myself! The actions I am responsible for, the choices I make, always spiralling outwards, always connected to my centre! I have a choice! Be a better man than I was yesterday, remembering that whatever I do will move outwards! No matter what, stay grounded, feel Mother Nature, find the beauty, breathe, enjoy the moment. Tomorrow is another day – be better and smile! Fill your life with stories: write a chapter that you will keep on reading!